


Dice and Envelopes

by allofuswithwings



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27773395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofuswithwings/pseuds/allofuswithwings
Summary: Matt’s thoughts on how Chris sees him, and their relationship.
Relationships: Matt Bellamy/Chris Wolstenholme
Kudos: 4





	Dice and Envelopes

**Author's Note:**

> I came across this fic while transferring things from my old hard drive. I apparently wrote this back in 2011 but I have absolutely no memory of it and never posted it to my LJ.

You think it’s all a game. To me, at least. It would never be to you. But to me, you think, it’s a game.

Something to pass the time. A way to fuck with things. To break rules, to cross boundaries. As if that’s my goal in life. That I need to push everything too far to see what happens.

That’s why you think it means nothing to me. That I only want to get laid. And you happen to be convenient. And off-limits, so I want it more. I could have Dom, but you think I think it’s not enough of a challenge.

It’s okay in your eyes because I’m like you. I have someone again. Like I did before. We both have a lot to lose. So there’s little risk. At least, that’s what you believe.

You don’t know that I lost control. In the beginning, you were right. I was just fucking with things. But something changed. You fucked me and shifted something in my head. In my heart.

I slink to your room late at night not because I need to get off. I need your body, yes, but not in the way that you think. I want the feel of your soft belly under my hands. And to run my fingers through your chest hair. To have your cock in my mouth, and the smell of your sweat in my nostrils.

I want the feel of your thick arms around my thin body. Around my shoulders, pulling me to you. I like how small I feel there, like you could break me in two if you wanted. But you just hold me. And there’s no outside world. It’s just us there.

But you don’t know this. I’ve never told you and it never crosses your mind. I’m above all that. The Great Matthew Bellamy fucks who he likes and feels nothing.

I can be that person, but not with you. Not anymore. Every time you push inside me, I lose myself a little. Not to a woman, but to a man. To my bassist. My best friend.

I don’t want to pretend. But I don’t know how to tell you. So I let you think that I’m still just pushing envelopes. Playing games.


End file.
